


Seeing Everything in Slo-Mo

by watchcatewrite



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (Very mild), (less of a crisis and more of a realization), Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Josh, Butt Plugs, Camboy Josh, Drinking, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Work, Sexuality Crisis, Subspace, Top Tyler, Vessel Era, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 03:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchcatewrite/pseuds/watchcatewrite
Summary: Josh had never meant for Tyler to find out about his camming.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 22
Kudos: 101





	Seeing Everything in Slo-Mo

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you gotta write the camboy/pornstar fic you wish to see in the world.
> 
> читать по-русски [Вот](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8968531)

Josh had never meant for Tyler to find out about his camming.

And honestly? He would have bet big money on hell freezing over before Tyler ever figured it out on his own. He was a smart guy, and very sweet, but Josh got the impression he was hardly the type to be out looking for camboys, in their hidden corners of the internet. The likelihood of him stumbling onto Josh had to be slim to none, at the very best. And Josh preferred it that way.

In fact, he would have been quite happy if the other man had never figured out how he was able to work part-time at Guitar Center, drop everything for a gig, and still be able to live comfortably by himself. He would have loved to have gone to his deathbed with just one tiny secret, just one small thing that he and Tyler hadn’t shared. But then he’d gone and opened his big fucking mouth.

They’re in Tyler’s room at the house, a few beer cans and a half empty pizza box strewn around them. Josh is laying on the floor, his legs resting against the foot of Tyler’s bed, and Tyler’s plunking away at his keyboard. Some of it sounds like music, but mostly it’s just noise, the key progressions of boredom tinged with alcohol. Josh has a joint between his lips, some truly terrible weed that he spent way too much money on, and is too proud to just throw away. Tyler’s already passed, “focusing on one vice at a time, man.”

His feet kick softly against the mattress, drawing Tyler’s attention. “Are those new Nikes, dude? Where’d you get them?”

“John.” The name rolls off his tongue without a second thought, his mind hazy.

“Who’s John?”

“Um, just some guy.” Good one Dun, that doesn’t invite any more questions. His brain isn’t working fast enough for his mouth.

“‘Some guy’ bought you new Nikes?” Tyler puts air quotes around the first two words and Josh knows he’s in trouble. He can’t handle air quotes right now.

“Uh, yeah. He’s just this guy. He buys me stuff sometimes.” Shut up Dun, what the fuck are you doing?

“Why?”

Josh takes a drag off the joint, trying to collect his thoughts into an answer that makes sense. “Cause he likes me.”

Nope, that’s not it.

“He _likes_ you?” Tyler’s getting confused now. He’s rising from the stool in front of the keyboard. He’s walking towards Josh.

Say something. Shut this down.

“Yeah, y’know. He likes me, so sometimes he buys me stuff.”

Tyler’s staring at him, his brow furrowed. “Josh, are you a sugar baby?”

“What? No.” He makes a loud _pfft_ sound, his face feeling comical even to him. “I’m not a sugar baby, that’s silly. I just—um—I—“

Say something, Dun. Say something you absolute idiot. You got yourself into this, fucking fix it.

“I do stuff sometimes, and if people like it they send me stuff.”

Nailed it.

Tyler sits down, heavy, on the bed. His brow is still knit together, his pickled brain trying to process what Josh is saying. Josh waits, hoping it never gets there. That Tyler just shrugs and says “okay” and the conversation dies. It’s possible. Tyler’s a little drunk, Josh is a little high. This could all be a case of a conversation they’ll never remember in the morning. God, he hopes Tyler doesn’t remember this in the morning.

“You do, stuff.” Josh nods, taking another drag off the joint, like it’s ordinary. Mundane, even. “Like what?”

Fuck.

“Um, well—“ He takes another pull off the joint. He should slow down. “Y’know. Sometimes I talk about stuff, or um, show them stuff.”

“Show them stuff? What kind of stuff?” Shit, this is going so downhill, so fast.

“Uh… private stuff?” There’s no going back now. He’s well and truly fucked. All because of his big mouth.

Josh swears he can see the light bulb go on over Tyler’s head. He’d laugh, if his heart wasn’t beating so loudly in his throat. “Josh, do you… get naked for these people?”

He’s like a deer caught in headlights, the joint poised over his lips. Josh feels his cheeks heat in a blush. “Sometimes.”

“Do you…” Oh fuck, here it comes. (No pun intended.) “Do you touch yourself in front of these people?”

“Sometimes.” His voice is barely audible.

“Oh.” Tyler’s looking everywhere but at him. The wall must be fascinating, the way it’s holding Tyler’s eye.

“It’s uh—“ Josh swallows loudly, trying to add strength to his voice. “It’s called camming. People pay to tune in and watch you. Sometimes they send you gifts.”

His shoes are still now, a brightly colored reminder of how much of a fucking idiot Josh is. Wasn’t he never going to tell Tyler this? Wasn’t he going to take it to the fucking grave? And what happened? One shitty joint and a pair of new shoes later and Josh is letting his best friend in on his best kept secret. He would punch himself, if he could make his fucking arms work.

“I uh, I started doing it in college, just to make a little extra money. Short stuff, where you never saw my face. A little heavy breathing and some shitty lighting.” He chuckles, but there’s no response from Tyler. He can’t stop now. “But uh, the real money’s in private channels. Viewers pay to tune in and then they can pay extra for requests or, buy stuff off my wish list that they wanna see me in.”

Shut up, Dun. Shut the fuck up. That is way too much. The man just found out you basically do porn and you’re giving him the ins and outs of the business? Shut up. Josh glances up at him on the bed, but Tyler’s still not looking at him. His eyes are trained on the wall, his lids lowered in a squint, barely blinking. Josh doesn’t know if he should keep talking, just to fill the silence.

“I wasn’t gonna tell you, you didn’t need to know, but uh—“ Josh gestures with the joint, chuckling again, even though Tyler won’t see it from where his eyes are boring a hole into the wall.

“Is it, um—“ Tyler’s voice shakes, his head tipping to one side. “Is it men watching you? Or women?”

Tyler knows he’s bi, blurted out one night when they were drunk. (Maybe Josh needs to chill on the altered confessions?) They’d never talked about it in detail, but Tyler has never treated him differently. Josh got the impression it was a topic he wasn’t comfortable with, though he didn’t love Josh any less. It rubbed him the wrong way, if Josh was being honest. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” and all that bullshit. But he loved Tyler too much to push the issue.

“Both. I don’t restrict my viewers.” Josh swallows, deciding it’s best to just go all in. “But most of my repeat patrons are men.”

Tyler nods, like he’s processing, and Josh gives him a minute. “Do you use your real name?”

“No. Fuck no.” Josh shakes his head violently against the carpet.

Tyler’s shoulders seem to relax. He lets out a breath. “Good.”

Is he worried about him?

“What do you use?”

It’s a risk. As soon as Josh tells him he has something to google, some way to find him. Josh doesn’t think he’ll go looking, but he couldn’t fault him if he did. If Tyler suddenly told him there were videos of him jacking off on the internet Josh would go looking for them. Of course, Josh regularly imagined those sort of things when he was alone, but that was a different story. Him being into his best friend was a secret Josh was _determined_ to keep.

“Uh—“ Josh bites his lip. Fuck it. “Spooky.”

A grin breaks out over Tyler’s face, and Josh nearly falls over. “Just Spooky?”

Josh shrugs, his own smile starting to inch across his face. “I wanted to keep it simple.”

Tyler starts laughing. It’s a deep belly laugh, one that leaves him clutching his sides. The tension in the room dissipates instantly, and Josh feels like he can take his first real breath in twenty minutes. The grin on his face widens as he watches Tyler, now _rolling on the bed_ laughing. It’s probably as good a reaction as he could have hoped for. At least he didn’t kick Josh out of the house.

“You. And your—“ Tyler’s panting between words. “SPOOKY DICK.”

Josh bursts out laughing, Tyler stopping only briefly to see tears squeeze past Josh’s eyelids, and then they’re both off again. Josh has never laughed so hard in his entire life, stoned or sober, and he’s never seen Tyler laugh so long that he’s gasping for breath. There’s no way they’re going to remember this in the morning. No fucking way.

* * *

Tyler had never meant to find Josh’s camming.

Did he go looking for it? No. Okay, maybe. Kind of. He’d just wanted to _understand_ , to understand what Josh was doing. So he’d searched “camming,” in google. Looked at the urban dictionary definition, read a few articles, and clicked on a few links. (On an incognito tab, of course.) And then… okay, then he might have searched “camboy” (a new term he’d learned that evening), and “spooky.” Just to see, if anything came up.

He didn’t expect Josh’s channel to be the first link on the list. Apparently Josh was far more famous online than he was in real life.

The channel is currently offline, just a dark screen with a “see you next time” banner above it. Tyler scrolls down, seeing a collection of video thumbnails beneath the larger, main screen. Most of them have a dollar amount over them, something you clearly have to pay to watch, but the very bottom row has a few that are blank, and before Tyler can think too hard about what he’s doing, he clicks on one. Josh’s face fills the screen, backing away from the camera slowly to reveal a bedroom, a smile on his face.

This must be an early one, from the way his dark hair lies flat against his head. Tyler had given him a hard time more than once about how much of a “scene” kid Josh used to be, from the flat ironed hair to the ring bisecting his plump, pink lip. Josh’s arm is bare of his sleeve tattoo, just like when Tyler met him, and it gives Tyler a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Tyler stares as Josh does a little twirl for the camera, revealing a pair of well-worn flannel pajama pants, a soft white t-shirt covering his chest. He tries not to think about how often Josh has laid around his house, wearing a very similar outfit. It suddenly seems more sexual somehow.

“Okay, this is my first time doing this, so be gentle.” Josh is clearly aware of the wordplay he’s just used, and grins at the camera mischievously. Tyler swallows.

It’s surprisingly normal in the beginning, just Josh talking to the camera about his day, laying on his bed while he smokes a joint. It’s something Tyler’s done with him countless times, without a screen separating them. Josh occasionally responds to something that Tyler can’t see, probably the chat that’s currently inactive. He answers questions, jokes with people, the same humor that Tyler knows so well.

It’s weird to see Josh like this. He’s usually so reserved in front of other people, letting Tyler do most of the talking. Tyler knows how much he doesn’t like to be the center of attention, or the one in the spotlight, but here he is, doing just that. He wonders if it’s easier having the screen between them, if Josh forgets that the words in the chat box and the numbers on the view counter are real people. Maybe it’s easier to feel anonymous this way, even though he’s very much exposed.

Tyler gets lulled into a false sense of security, forgetting just where some of Josh’s videos go. But then the other man is commenting on how he’s getting hot under the lights, pulling off his shirt slowly to reveal his bare chest. His hands linger across his skin in a way that seems natural but Tyler knows is for the viewer. It has the intended effect, however, and Tyler swallows thickly again.

He should stop watching. He hasn’t seen much of anything yet. As it stands he could still look Josh in the eye and pretend that this whole “job” didn’t make him as uncomfortable as it actually does. Tyler’s not even sure _why_ it makes him so uncomfortable. Josh is a grown-ass man, he can do what he likes. And it’s not like Tyler’s some sheltered virgin, he watches his own fair bit of porn. It’s just that’s _Josh_. Doing _that_. In front of _people_.

It’s clear that _that_ is on the menu, as Josh blushes looking over the messages in the chat box. Tyler’s always thought he looked cute when he blushed, reddened cheeks peppered with freckles. Not that he would ever tell Josh that. That would be weird. Kind of like Tyler watching him slowly do a strip tease over the internet, ramping up toward touching himself, on camera, in front of a bunch of strangers.

The fuck are you doing, Joseph? Just turn it off. Close the laptop and go about your life.

But Josh is starting to slide the pajama pants low on his hips, clearly lacking another layer underneath, and Tyler feels like his eyes are glued to the screen. Josh turns so his butt is facing the camera, as his pants slide ever lower. It’s just miles of tan, freckled skin, and then suddenly Tyler is seeing his best friend’s ass for the first time. He’s not sure how he feels about it, but he’s surprisingly more comfortable with it than he would have surmised.

Josh lets the pants fall to the floor, looking back over his shoulder to smile at the camera as he slowly takes a cheek in each hand, pulling them apart. Tyler doesn’t understand what’s happening until suddenly he catches sight of a small silicone disc situated between Josh’s ass cheeks. Still, it doesn’t quite register until Josh gives his ass a little shake, clearly showing it off for the camera, and then it hits Tyler like a punch in the chest, knocking the wind out of him.

That’s a butt plug. Josh, his best friend _Josh_ , has a butt plug resting between his round, perfect butt cheeks. Tyler’s face turns crimson, his cheeks hot enough to melt butter, and that weird feeling moves through his stomach again. He should stop. Just close the computer. Stop. He shouldn’t be watching this. That’s Josh.

Josh lets go, the base of the butt plug disappearing again, and turns to face the camera. Tyler has his hand poised over the top of the laptop, ready to slam it shut and pretend he never saw this, when he’s suddenly face to face with Josh’s dick. Tyler’s not sure what he expected. He’d seen other dicks before: in locker rooms, during dares, even at summer camp. It didn’t surprise him to see another dick, he knew what they looked like, but seeing Josh’s dick is somehow different.

He’s only half hard (which _is_ unexpected, considering what’s currently nestled between his ass cheeks), and his dick bobs slowly as he moves. It’s an impressive size if Tyler’s honest, something he would have never imagined himself admitting. He certainly wasn’t disappointed with his own shit, there was just _something_ about Josh’s. It was thicker than his, maybe a bit longer, and a soft shade of pink that somehow seemed delicate.

Jesus, he’d just called Josh’s dick delicate. What was wrong with him? Why was he watching this?

Still, he sat motionless as he watched Josh take himself in hand, rubbing his thumb over the slit at the head of his cock, before giving it an experimental tug. He does it a few more times, pulling his lip between his teeth, his lip ring glinting under the lights. The chat seemed to be enjoying the show, Josh leaning down to smile into the camera, looking over the messages.

“You guys like the special treat I planned for you?” Josh wiggles his ass a bit in the air, a reminder of what’s hidden inside it. “You guys had no idea, did you? Let’s just say this isn’t my first time playing it cool with something shoved in my ass.”

Tyler’s mouth goes dry, his thoughts running a mile a minute. What if Josh is telling the truth? What if that’s not just a line to get his viewers all worked up? Maybe he really did walk around with a butt plug in. Maybe he did it around Tyler. Maybe Tyler had talked to him, and hung out with him, all without knowing that Josh had a piece of silicone shoved up his ass and half a chub hidden in his pants.

Tyler can feel his heart hammering away in his chest. He feels weird, like when he’s watching porn and he starts to get that tight feeling in his balls. Fuck, is he aroused right now? Is he _aroused_ thinking about Josh talking to him with with a plug shoved up his ass, completely unaware that Josh is silently getting off on it?

The laptop slams shut, the noise deafening in Tyler’s quiet room. His eyes are still trained on where Josh had been only a moment before, bragging about how well he could hide that he was secretly walking around with a butt plug in his ass. Tyler’s heartbeat is pounding in his ears so loud he can barely think. He removes the laptop from his lap, throwing it toward the end of the bed, as far away as he can get it. He glances down, where he’s definitely pitching a small tent in his basketball shorts. Where he’s definitely popping a boner, after watching his best friend get naked and touch himself.

Fuck.

* * *

They don’t see each other for a few days. Josh blames work, Tyler blames family stuff, and neither of them ask for further explanation. Josh can’t figure out if Tyler remembers their conversation, if what he thinks occurred _actually_ occurred, but it seems entirely likely that he really did spill to Tyler that he’s been camming for years now. That Josh has been making a pretty sizable income on the side (and accumulating a few gifts) by touching himself on the internet for strangers.

Sure, at this point he has enough regulars that they don’t really feel like strangers anymore, but somehow Josh doesn’t think Tyler will appreciate the distinction. Right now he’s just glad Tyler didn’t call him a pervert and kick him out of the band, a scenario he’d imagined all too often when he’d entertained the idea of telling him. He’s clearly still in a bit of a funk a few days later, when one of his guys points out he’s not as bubbly as usual. Josh doesn’t take it as an insult, most of the guys have been watching him for years, they know when he’s not himself.

“Just had a weird week. I kind of blurted out to my best friend that I cam, and while he seemed to take it well, I don’t know if it’s gonna make things weird between us.”

Another question pops up in the chat.

“I’m not embarrassed, he’s just kind of… sheltered. He grew up really religious, and I’m still not sure how he really feels about me being bi, so sharing that I do some pretty explicit things on the internet was probably a lot for him to handle.”

Josh takes a sip of his beer, pulling his sweatshirt sleeve down over his hand to hold the cold, sweating bottle. He’s laid out on his bed, laptop propped up in front of him, enjoying a more casual night in. They’ve all been chatting for about an hour now, most of them enjoying their own drinks along with him as they wind down on a Friday night. Josh likes the naughtier stuff, but he enjoys this just as much. Getting to know the guys, having someone else to talk to, is nice. Even if he’ll likely never meet any of these guys in real life.

Josh blushes at the next question.

“Yeah, this is the friend I have a crush on.”

It had started because of one of his previous shows, one of the guys asking if Josh had a friend he could bring along sometime. They all enjoyed watching him go solo, but there was something special about watching someone get fucked, live and in color. Josh wasn’t opposed to the idea, in fact he quite liked it, but there hadn’t been anyone he’d felt comfortable bringing into this part of his life. Still, he’d referenced his “friend” a few times. Touching himself while he imagined him walking in and joining him, playing with his favorite plug while he talked about how badly he wanted him to fuck him.

One night Tyler’s name had just slipped out, the one he’d always been thinking about when he talked about his “friend,” but never said. One of the guys had asked him about it the next time, and the whole thing had just kind of come pouring out: how he’d felt this instant connection with Tyler the moment they met, how close they were getting, how hard Josh had fallen for his straight best friend. It sounded like the most cliche build up to the most overdone porno, but it was true. If there was anyone Josh wanted fucking him on camera, it was Tyler.

He glances over the chat again, cheeks hot as he takes a sip of his beer.

“I don’t know. The idea of him watching me is… yeah, but like, not the reality of it? I don’t want him to see something he’s not ready to see and have it completely wreck our friendship. He means too much to me, I’m not willing to throw it away over some fantasy, you know? Sorry to disappoint.” He laughs and multiple lols show up in the chat.

He watches a few more questions roll in, mostly all along the same lines.

“I mean yeah, if I thought he’d be in to it, he’s definitely the guy I’d ask.” Josh chuckles, the lip of his beer resting against his chin. “But I can’t really see Tyler being into the idea of fucking me on camera. In front of strangers. Even if you are a bunch of really nice dudes.”

Josh spends the next hour trying to get himself back to baseline. After finishing his beer he smokes a joint, blowing a few smoke rings for the guys who like watching his mouth work, and generally lays around his room talking. They’re all sweet, giving him advice and reassuring him that everything will be fine. Josh appreciates how much they care about him, how they’re not just sitting around waiting for him to take his clothes off. By the end of it he’s feeling mostly normal, like maybe this won’t be the thing that makes his world implode.

“Okay, I should sign off and get some sleep. I have practice tomorrow and work the next day, so I’ll see you guys in a few? I’ll make sure to send you a notification when I figure out exactly when.” He blows the last bit of smoke directly into the camera, giving them all a warm smile. “Night guys.”

He stops the feed, looking over things one last time before signing off. There are no unanswered questions in the chat, no one he’s accidentally ignored. His tips are smaller tonight, but they usually are whenever he doesn’t get naked. His regulars are generous, but it’s typically the more sexual stuff that brings in the bigger audience. When it’s small, like tonight, the money doesn’t exactly come rolling in. He looks over the viewer list, recognizing most of the names, but pausing on the ones he doesn’t. Josh likes to take note of newbies, to see if they tune in again.

Satisfied with the show, and feeling better than he has the last few days, Josh finally shuts his laptop, not even realizing that one of the new usernames should have grabbed his attention: __blurry_.

* * *

Practice is tense. Josh doesn’t even realize just how bad it’s gotten until he accidentally hits a cymbal in between songs and Tyler visibly flinches. Josh wants to get mad, he wants to feel indignant than Tyler has the gall to judge him and his choices. Instead he just feels awash with shame, him and his big mouth ruining something great again. Josh folds in on himself, his sticks coming to rest over his lap.

“Dude, let’s just stop.”

Tyler looks at him over his shoulder, taking in Josh slumped over behind his drums. It’s an unfamiliar sight, Josh is usually vibrating with energy, bouncing and moving with a kind of focus Tyler’s envied more than once. He turns fully to face him, hands resting on his bass and tries to play it cool. No reason for Josh to know what he’s seen, that Tyler’s been up for a solid 22 hours trying to figure out how he feels. Just be normal.

“What’s up?”

Josh glances up at him, hurt in his eyes, and Tyler knows he’s already lost.

“What’s _up_? You can barely look at me, dude. You literally just flinched a second ago, like being in the same room with me causes you physical pain. If you want me to leave, just say so.”

The air feels heavy, Tyler can feel himself sinking beneath it. “Josh, no. I don’t—I don’t want you to leave. You’re not causing me pain, I’m fine.”

Josh laughs harshly, glancing down at his lap where his hands are clenched around his sticks. “You’re such a bad liar, man. You know that?”

Tyler swallows, trying to recover. “I’m not lying. I’m fine.”

“Jesus Tyler, can you just be honest with me? Please.” Josh’s eyes meet his, and Tyler finds anger there now too. “You remember what I told you when we were fucked up and you’re disgusted by me. Just fucking say it, okay? Just be a fucking man, and say it.”

“Josh, I am not disgusted by you.”

The other man throws his hands up in the air, the grip around his sticks so tight Tyler wonders how they don’t snap. “Then what, dude? You’re walking on eggshells because my drumming is shit today? Or maybe I used the wrong shampoo? That’s it, my appearance must be awful today, I’m _so_ sorry.”

Tyler can feel anger heating up in his chest, that feeling of wanting to lash out at anyone and anything. Words boil in his throat, threatening to overflow and ruin everything. Tyler tries to hold them back, because the second he says anything it all changes. He won’t be able to take it back, he won’t be able to pretend it’s all a joke, and nothing will be the same. But Josh’s voice fades to a dull hum, and Tyler’s head throbs at the pressure of holding it in. Until he can’t anymore.

“I’m not disgusted by you, you fucking idiot, I’m into you.”

That shuts him up. Josh stares at him blankly, shock clear on his face, and Tyler decides to throw it all on the table.

“I found your channel. I didn’t mean to. Or maybe I did, I don’t fucking know. But I found it, and I watched a free video, and then I paid to watch a video, and then I paid to watch your latest show and I—fuck.” He turns, pulling his bass off from around his neck and throwing it at the couch. “I heard you talk about wanting me to fuck you in front of all those people and—fuck Josh, I really wanted to.”

Tyler turns to face him again, his eyes determined, unwilling to buckle under the weight of what he’s just admitted. Josh is still sitting behind his drums, his face empty, and Tyler almost laughs. It’s just too fucking weird, that they’re having this conversation, in Tyler’s basement, the fate of their friendship (their band!) hanging in the balance. He watches Josh’s face morph with confusion, his eyes narrowing.

“You watched my show last night?” Tyler nods. “You—you’re straight.”

It’s a statement but it sounds more like a question. Tyler shrugs. “I don’t know dude, it doesn’t make any sense to me either.”

Josh snorts and Tyler can’t help the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. “All I know is, I watched a video of you jacking off and I came so hard I forgot my own fucking name. And then your mouthy ass goes off about wanting me to fuck you on camera and I literally _could not_ sleep last night.”

Josh’s shoulders finally seem to relax, the tension draining from his body. “You heard that?”

“That's what I said, idiot.” He does laugh this time, a small chuckle, and Josh joins in.

“Huh.”

Tyler stares at him, incredulous. “That’s it? ‘Huh?’ I tell you I wanna fuck you and you say ‘huh?’”

This time it’s Tyler who throws his hands in the air, looking around the room like he wants the nonexistent audience to weigh in. “You’re fucking killing me, dude.”

Josh doesn’t answer, getting up from his drums and crossing the room slowly, like he doesn’t want to startle him. He’s close enough that Tyler can count the freckles on his cheeks, and Tyler can feel his heart hammering away in his chest. Josh smells like coconut shampoo, and that spicy aftershave Tyler’s always stealing when they’re on the road. It’s a weird combination but somehow it works. Somehow, it’s Josh. The other man lifts his hands, settling them gently on both sides of Tyler’s face.

“Josh I—“

“Shh.” Josh grips his face lightly. “I just wanna try something, okay?”

Tyler nods slowly, his face still trapped between Josh’s warm hands. No, not trapped, _cradled_. Josh leans forward slowly and Tyler realizes what’s about to happen, his eyes slipping shut of their own accord. He hadn’t really imagined this part, hadn’t thought about what it would feel like for Josh to press his lips against his. His mouth feels bigger than the girls Tyler’s kissed before, his lips full and soft. Tyler can’t help a little hum that escapes when they’re pressed flush against each other.

He can feel Josh smile against his lips, before he’s pressing in again, his tongue licking softly at Tyler’s lower lip. Tyler opens his mouth without thinking, inviting Josh’s tongue inside. It’s different than the kisses he’s had before, maybe because it’s _Josh_ , but no less enjoyable. In fact, Tyler can feel himself softening, leaning into Josh’s touch, wanting more, more, _more_. Josh holds his face so carefully, kissing him long and heavy until Tyler feels his head go fuzzy.

When Josh finally leans back Tyler feels like putty, sagging against him. Josh smiles, biting his lip, shiny and swollen from all their kissing. They just kissed. Tyler and Josh just kissed. Tyler doesn’t know how to handle this information, how to deal with what’s just happened. He’s suddenly aware that his pants are getting tighter, and he should feel embarrassed, but he doesn’t. Josh leans forward again, and Tyler’s heart jumps at the idea of more kisses.

Instead his lips rest against Tyler’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “What’re you doing Friday night?”

* * *

By Friday Tyler feels like he’s going to throw up. He’s not sure if it’s excitement, or nerves, but his stomach is a swirling mass of discomfort. Josh has slowly been going through things with him throughout the week: how the stream works, how they get paid (he’s already promised Tyler half their earnings, despite Tyler’s protests), what Tyler feels comfortable doing. It’s weird to think about doing something so intimate, for the first time, in front of a bunch of strangers. But Tyler can’t deny that the idea of it is thrilling too.

He’s not quite sure when _that_ became something he was in to.

He and Josh have been kissing more. They kiss now, and Tyler has this strange impulse to tell everyone. Maybe because he doesn’t quite believe it’s real, and if other people know then he can’t have just imagined it. There’s a small voice in his head still shouting that it’s wrong, that Josh is his best friend, that Josh is a _boy_. But it’s easy to ignore when Josh does that thing with his tongue and Tyler literally feels boneless. He wouldn’t have called himself inexperienced before this, but it’s clear Josh is on a whole other level. Tyler can’t help kicking himself for not noticing sooner. Maybe the camming wouldn’t have been such a total surprise.

Josh holds up both hands when he walks in the door on Friday, one holding a joint, the other a beer. “For your nerves?”

Tyler shakes his head. “I wanna remember everything.”

Josh lowers his hands, a strange look on his face, half smiling. “Even though it’s gonna be on tape?”

“Nuh uh, not good enough. I wanna _remember_ it.”

Josh steps forward, kissing him so softly, and Tyler’s stomach does a little somersault. How were they not doing this sooner? He cups Josh’s face with one hand, his thumb rubbing softly over his cheek. Josh leans backward, looking at Tyler with a small smile on his face before leaning in for another quick kiss. Tyler likes when they kiss.

“I like you, Tyler Joseph.”

Tyler laughs. “I sure hope so, we’re about to do something _very_ intimate on the internet.”

Josh’s room is already set up, his laptop on a small table, connected to a moderately sized camera on a tripod across from his bed. There’s a softbox light next to it; the resulting lighting is warm and welcoming, and Tyler instantly feels cozy. He knows Josh has set it up like this for him, so it feels less like they’re being watched in a studio, and more like they’re just making their own video at home. Tyler shivers anxiously and Josh lays a hand on his lower back, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Still okay?”

“Mhmm.” Tyler nods, turning to him. “Will you kiss me again? It helps.”

Josh laughs but does as he’s asked. He wraps his arms tightly around Tyler’s neck, pulling him flush against him as he presses his lips to Tyler’s. Tyler’s arms wrap around the other man’s torso, leaning into him as they kiss slowly. Tyler hums, that voice in the back of his head going silent. Nothing that feels this good, this right, can be wrong. Tyler wants this, he wants to do this.

Josh removes his arms from around Tyler’s neck, leaning back to smile at him again. He takes hold of one of Tyler’s hands, where it’s still nestled against his back, and leads both of them over to the bed. Josh sinks into it, Tyler standing over him, and pulls Tyler’s hand to his lips, brushing them over Tyler’s knuckles. Tyler shivers, immobile, letting Josh place his hand on Josh’s cheek. Tyler lets it rest there for a moment, before pushing higher, brushing the light blue hair from Josh’s forehead, tucking it behind his ear.

“You sure you want me to do this? There’s no going back after this. Not for me.” Tyler has to ask, his voice wavering. He has to know for sure.

Josh smiles at him, so much trust and love in his eyes Tyler can hardly stand it. “Tyler, I’ve wanted you from the day I met you.”

Twenty minutes later it’s nearly showtime, and Tyler’s feeling surprisingly more at ease with the whole thing. He’s still nervous, very much so, but not because of the camera. No, it’s because he’s about to sleep with Josh. _His_ Josh. Something he’s been thinking about nonstop for the last week. Maybe longer, if he’s completely honest with himself.

They decide that Josh will start the stream on his own, bringing Tyler in a bit later. He’s already in his comfy clothes, a soft t-shirt and boxers, and Tyler’s dressed similarly. About five minutes before they’re due to start Josh lets slip that he has some more _sexy_ things that he wears during streams sometimes, but that’s another story for another day. Tyler’s mouth goes dry at the thought, his dick twitching excitedly in his boxers, and he’s pretty sure that was Josh’s intent all along.

It’s interesting being behind the camera but not on the other side of the screen, watching Josh talk to the chat without knowing what they’re saying. He’s smiling and laughing, insisting he’ll get to the surprise in just a second, clearly enjoying himself. Tyler gets the feeling he’s not the only one Josh enjoys teasing. Finally Josh motions to him with his hand, and Tyler clambers onto the bed. He can already feel a blush heating his cheeks, and he fights the urge to hide his face in Josh’s back.

“Tyler decided to join me tonight. Yes, _that_ Tyler.” Josh rolls his eyes, laughing, and Tyler smiles shyly. “Turns out he _has_ been watching me, and heard the part where I very explicitly said I hoped he’d fuck me on camera one day.”

Josh glances at him, a grin splitting his cheeks, and Tyler wants to kiss him right then and there. Josh turns back to the camera. “Lucky for me he’s very into the idea.”

Josh’s hand settles on his knee, and Tyler feels himself let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “We won’t be taking any requests tonight, since it’s our first time, but maybe he’ll come back again sometime.”

When their eyes meet Josh’s smile is wicked, and Tyler thinks about pinning him right then and there, showing him just how much he’s been wanting this. Just what Josh is in for. Josh leans forward to kiss him, intense and heady from the moment their lips meet, and Tyler forgets all about the camera. It’s just the two of them, in Josh’s room, doing what Tyler’s been thinking about since he clicked on that first video.

Josh pushes him gently until his back is against the mattress, his hands in Tyler’s hair. “I wanna blow you.”

His whispered words send a shiver down Tyler’s spine and he can’t nod fast enough. Josh’s warm hands leave his hair, sliding up underneath his t-shirt. They splay out over his chest, fingers brushing over his nipples, and Tyler hums quietly. Josh leans down to kiss his stomach, his tongue dipping into Tyler’s belly button, wetting the hair of his happy trail. Tyler watches him, his lip between his teeth, his hand slipping into the soft blue hair on Josh’s head.

Josh dips lower, sliding his fingers into the waistband of Tyler’s boxers and pulling them down just slightly. He presses his lips against Tyler’s hip bones, leaving goosebumps behind, before pulling them lower again. It’s agonizing, watching him, and by the time Josh exposes Tyler’s dick he’s already half hard. Josh glances up at him, surprise and lust in his eyes, and Tyler’s hand tightens in his hair.

He reaches out to wrap his hand around Tyler’s cock, gentle but firm, and Tyler sucks in a breath. Tyler can feel Josh’s breath against his skin as he lowers his head, perfect plump lips parting to wrap around the head. Tyler lets out a little moan a Josh’s mouth envelopes him, swallowing him down into wet heat. His head hits the mattress, his hand tight in Josh’s hair, as Josh’s nose settles against his pubic bone.

“Fuck, Josh.”

He could come just like this, Josh’s throat tight around his dick, but he can’t. Not yet. He wants more. So much more. Josh’s lips slowly slide back up, his hand following, and Tyler lifts his head so he can watch Josh’s mouth pop off his dick. Josh’s eyes are a little wet, the only indication he’s just deepthroated Tyler’s entire dick, and his lips are already shiny with spit. Tyler’s gonna lose his fucking mind.

Josh’s tongue darts out to lick at the head of Tyler’s dick, lingering over the slit. Tyler shivers, violently, and Josh chuckles. “I bet you no one’s ever sucked your dick as well as I can.”

Tyler’s mouth goes dry, all the blood rushing from his face to his cock, and barely manages a response. “Show me then.”

Josh twitches, his eyes falling shut briefly before they snap open again, bright and focused. Tyler’s clearly said something he likes. His head drops again, pulling Tyler’s dick back into his mouth, and Tyler sucks in another breath. His lips slides along his entire length, cheeks hollowed as he moves up and down Tyler’s shaft, his hand following the movements of his mouth. He’s just rough enough to leave Tyler oversensitive, his grip tight.

Tyler groans again, and then there’s something new: Josh’s free hand reaching out to cup his balls, squeezing them softly. Tyler almost bucks up into him, holding himself back only slightly, and glances down in time to see Josh smile around his dick between his lips. It’s nearly enough to cause Tyler to lose control completely, and his hand becomes a vice in Josh’s hair.

Josh laughs, leaning back to pull off Tyler’s dick, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “Told you.”

Tyler’s hand falls to the bedspread where it joins his other, both of them balling up the material into a fist. Josh pulls his boxers all the way off, throwing them over the side of the bed, before beginning to kiss his way up his chest again. Tyler’s hands relax just long enough for Josh to pull his shirt up over his head, and then he’s naked. Naked and spreadeagled on Josh’s bed. Josh’s lips rest lightly against his ear again.

“Wanna watch me get ready?”

It takes his addled brain a second to figure out what Josh means, but then he’s nodding vigorously again. Josh smiles as he helps him sit up, turning his back toward the foot of the bed, so Josh can lay against the pillows at the head. He pulls his shirt up over his head slowly, Tyler watching him hungrily, and tosses it to meet Tyler’s on the floor. He tips his head at Tyler, eyes glancing down to his boxers.

“Help me with these?”

Tyler nods again, wordlessly, and reaches for the waistband of the boxers. He pulls them down slowly, as if to give Josh a taste of his own medicine, but it’s useless. The second Josh’s dick springs free, already hard and leaking precum, Tyler’s mouth begins to water. Josh sees him staring at it, a familiar look in his eyes, and understands. He takes himself in hand, giving himself a few soft strokes before catching Tyler’s attention again.

“You wanna taste it?”

Tyler’s nodding before he realizes it, not even knowing until this moment just how much he wanted Josh’s cock on his tongue. He leans forward, his ass up in the air (no doubt a great view for the camera he’s forgotten all about), and slowly wraps his hand above Josh’s. Josh lets go once he has a good grip, and Tyler feels him heavy and solid in his hand. Oh fuck.

He dips deeper, letting his lips wrap around Josh’s perfect, pink cock and lets out a hum. It’s heavy against his tongue, warm and slightly salty. Tyler’s not sure what he expected, but he’s not disappointed. It’s different than when he’s gone down on girls—the flavor, the way it fills his mouth—and he likes it. Likes it just as much. His tongue slides slowly up the length of Josh’s shaft, and the other man sucks in a breath.

“You look so fucking good doing that. Your pretty mouth was made to wrap around my dick.”

Tyler shudders, his cheeks growing red, and Josh moans. “Fuck, Tyler. I’ve thought about this so much.”

He doesn’t want to disappoint, he wants to give Josh everything he’s just given him. He moves his hand like Josh did, following his lips as they move up and down. He can’t take him in as deep as Josh does, but Josh doesn’t seem to care. He’s moaning loudly, his hand lifting to card through Tyler’s hair, and Tyler hums around him again.

“Oh fuck baby, you’re doing so good.”

Josh has never called him “baby” before. Tyler shivers again, his dick growing painfully hard between his legs, and he can’t help reaching down to touch himself. He tries to time his strokes with each bob of his head, taking more of Josh in until he hits the back of his throat. He gags softly, pulling back, and Josh groans loudly, his head pressing into the pillows.

“Fuck Tyler, you’re gonna make me come.”

Tyler’s already pulling off when Josh gives his hair a soft tug. They both know what they really want. As much as Tyler suddenly likes the idea of Josh coming on his tongue, he likes the idea of burying his dick in his ass more. Watching him writhe underneath him, begging Tyler to come inside him, to fill him up so he can finally come. Tyler shudders again, just thinking about it, as Josh takes hold of his face and pulls him in for a kiss.

“You did so good, Ty.” They smile against each other’s lips, a moment just for them. “Will you grab me the lube in my nightstand please?”

Tyler nods again, his first instinct to give Josh anything and everything he wants, reaching behind him to open the nightstand drawer. There’s a few toys inside, vibes and plugs, along with a small bottle of lube. Tyler had seen the very same bottle in the video he’d watched of Josh jacking off. Recognizing it sent a shiver down his spine. They were really gonna do this.

He places it in Josh’s hand and Josh whispers against his lips. “Go sit down by the foot of the bed. I want you to have a good view.”

Tyler does as instructed, sliding down to the end of the bed where he lays on his side, his head propped up on his hand. Josh flashes him a grin, planting his feet on the bed and opening his legs wide. Tyler can see everything, every inch of Josh, and doesn’t feel embarrassed or guilty. Instead he feels arousal coursing through him again, his hand reaching down to grab hold of himself. Josh watches Tyler give a few small strokes, his lip between his teeth.

He squeezes some of the lube out over his fingers, rubbing his other hand over them until they’re well and truly coated. Tyler watches, rapt, as Josh circles a finger around his hole, leaving a trail of slick behind. He sucks in a breath as Josh places the pad of his index finger over it, not pressing in, not quite yet, just teasing. Tyler glares at him and Josh laughs, the sound cutting off as he finally presses his finger inside.

Josh goes slow, working the finger in and out, hissing at the sensitivity. Tyler watches as he slowly relaxes, before adding in his middle finger. Josh starts to moan softly as his fingers move in and out, scissoring wider and wider. Josh’s other hand takes hold of his dick, pumping with each movement of his fingers. He adds his ring finger, all three crooking up to hit what must be his prostate, and Josh lets out a little cry.

“Oh fuck.” Tyler doesn’t realize he’s said it out loud, that his hand has stilled on his dick as he watches Josh, mesmerized.

Josh’s eyes open slowly, looking over at Tyler as he slowly fucks himself with his own fingers. “Do you like that, Ty?”

Tyler nods, his voice hoarse. “Yes.”

“You like watching me get ready for you? For your big cock?”

He nods again, his breath catching. “Fuck.”

“Come here.”

Tyler crawls up the bed, his eyes still on Josh’s fingers where they’re sliding in and out of him at a measured pace. Josh pulls them out completely, lurching at the loss and sucking in a breath. He reaches out with his slick right hand for Tyler’s, his fingers warm when they wrap around his. Josh uses his other hand to squeeze some of the lube on to Tyler’s fingers, his already slick hand moving it across his skin. When Tyler’s fingers are coated Josh leads his hand down to his entrance, taking Tyler’s three fingers and lining them up.

“All three?” Tyler’s voice is thick, and Josh nods quickly, his eyes squeezing shut as he pulls his lip between his teeth again.

Tyler watches as his fingers slowly slide into him, past the tight band of muscle, into slick heat. Josh keens, his hand dropping off Tyler’s to clutch at the bedspread, and Tyler feels his stomach tighten. He slides his hand back slowly, like Josh was doing, twisting before sliding it back in. Josh nods wordlessly and Tyler does it again, watching his face grow redder.

“Crook your fingers a bit. Push them up.” Josh’s voice is breathy, his mouth hanging open at the end of his instructions.

Tyler slides his fingertips against the inside of Josh slowly, until Josh lets out another cry. “Fuck, there. Right there.”

Tyler feels him tighten around his fingers, clenching around him like he’s afraid Tyler will remove them, leaving him empty. He keeps his fingers pressed into him as he moves slowly in and out again, his fingers never leaving Josh fully. The other man is whimpering, his words nonsensical except for one: Tyler’s name. Tyler’s never had this affect on someone, never made someone fall apart like this. His dick throbs painfully.

“I need you inside me. Now, please.”

Josh’s voice is so desperate, Tyler feels that stirring inside him again. “Right here? Like this?”

“Wait, no. Hold on.”

Josh wraps his hand around Tyler’s, pulling his fingers out of him with a small cry. He climbs down the bed on shaky legs, his face toward the camera and his knees planted beneath him. Tyler watches as he lifts his ass into the air, pressing his face into the mattress. Another whimper leaves his lips and Tyler stares at him, breathing heavily.

“Please, Tyler.”

Tyler feels the edges of his vision start to white out, his need so strong it leaves him breathless. He rises to his knees, his hips lining up with Josh’s perfectly. Tyler grabs the bottle of lube from where Josh has left it at the head of the bead, squeezing a bit over his dick and taking himself in hand as he drops the bottle again. He gives himself a few good strokes, not that he needs it, but just so that he’s slick enough, so he slides into Josh easily.

The head of his cock brushes Josh’s entrance and he lets out another cry. “Please fuck me, Tyler, please.”

Tyler leans forward slowly, trying to memorize the feeling as he slides into Josh. When he’s buried deep inside him, his hips pressed against Josh’s perfect, round ass cheeks, Josh lets out an actual sob, his knees sagging. Tyler’s hands are quick and tight on his hips, holding him up, as Josh takes a few deep breaths. They’re motionless for a moment, both of them adjusting to the feeling and then Josh is whimpering again.

“Please.”

Tyler starts to rock his hips, sliding out until the head of his cock is almost at Josh’s entrance, before sliding back in to land heavy against him. Josh lurches forward with each thrust, crying out each time, but then pushing back against him, begging for more. Tyler quickens his pace a bit, giving him less recovery time between strokes, and Josh’s cries become a steady stream of whimpers and Tyler’s name.

He’s so tight, so soft around him, and watching Josh come apart like this pushes Tyler to the edge faster than he would like. His thrusts grow harder, his fingertips digging into Josh’s hips, but Josh just continues to cry out beneath him. “Please, baby. Fuck me harder, please.”

Tyler moves to do as he asks, slamming into him harder and harder, until Josh’s knees start to slide along the bedspread. He’s getting heavier in Tyler’s hands, struggling to hold himself up. He clenches around Tyler, holding him in, pulling him deeper, and Tyler feels that familiar feeling coiling in his abdomen. Josh pushes back against him and Tyler can feel himself inches from the edge.

“Fuck I’m—I’m gonna come Josh.”

Josh lets out another sob. “Come inside me, please. I wanna feel you come inside me.”

It’s all Tyler needs. His hips stutter, slamming into Josh one last time and holding his hips tight against him. Tyler comes with a groan, his whole body tight, and Josh cries out his name as Tyler fills him up. Tyler gasps, slumping over the other man, who sags beneath him. Josh is whimpering, his dick hanging beneath him, still painfully hard. Tyler reaches for it, his hand wrapping around Josh’s dick, giving it a hard squeeze.

He presses his lips to Josh’s ear. “Come. Now.”

Josh cries out again, covering Tyler’s hand in cum as his dick spasms. Tyler keeps his hand on him, moving it slowly up and down so as to get every last drop, Josh’s face buried in the mattress. He’s crying softly, with the force of his orgasm, and Tyler covers his back with kisses, wiping his hand on the bedspread before running it across Josh’s warm, tight stomach. Josh shivers, his body weight now completely held up by Tyler, and Tyler presses words into his back.

“You did so good, baby. You’re so good.”

Tyler slowly slips out, lowering Josh onto the mattress and turning him on his back. Josh’s face is red, tear tracks clear down his cheeks, and he’s panting softly. Tyler smooths the hair off his sweaty brow, cups his cheek softly with one hand and leans down to kiss him. A kiss at his temple, a kiss on his eyelid, over his nose and under his chin. One final kiss on his lips. Josh hums beneath him, his hand coming up to cover Tyler’s.

“You’re so beautiful, baby. You did so good, so good.”

Josh’s eyes are still closed, a small smile on his face as he basks in Tyler’s love and the aftershocks of pleasure still coursing through him.

“How do I stop the video?” Tyler’s voice is barely a whisper.

“Just um—“ Josh’s voice is lazy, his mind foggy, as he gestures toward the laptop. “Just close the top.”

Tyler lifts his head to offer a quick “bye guys” to the camera, before leaning out over the bed to close the laptop quietly. He leans back until he’s over Josh again, Josh’s hand still covering his where it rests on Josh’s cheek. He’s still smiling lazily, and Tyler rubs his thumb over his freckles. He kisses him again, softly, and this time Josh kisses him back. Tyler lets out a sigh of relief.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it.” Tyler’s still whispering, not for the camera this time, but just because it seems too quiet of a moment.

Josh hums in agreement, his head nodding just the faintest amount. “I’m good, I’m just—really good.”

Tyler laughs lightly, finally lowering himself to the bed so he can lie on his side next to Josh. Josh turns his head, pressing his face into Tyler’s shoulder and breathes deeply. Tyler moves his hand from Josh’s cheek to tuck light blue hair behind his ear again, soft and so delicate. He can feel Josh smile against him, his breath tickling his skin.

“Do you need anything?”

Josh gives the smallest shake of his head, reaching up to take hold of Tyler’s forearm, Tyler’s hand still resting over his ear. “Just hold me for a little while.”

Tyler loses track of time, watching Josh’s chest slowly rise and fall with each breath. He can’t be certain but he’s pretty sure Josh falls asleep for a little while, his hand loosening on Tyler’s arm. Tyler understands the appeal, even feels his own eyelids start to droop a bit, but he’s too scared to close his eyes. Scared that he’ll miss one second of looking at Josh, warm, and happy, and pink, pressed up against him. Scared that he’ll wake up and find out this was all just a dream. So he watches. And waits.

Josh’s eyes finally crack open some time later, his head leaning back from Tyler’s chest so he can see Tyler’s face. His eyes are clearer now, brighter, like the haze has been wiped from them, and Tyler lets out another little sigh of relief. Josh seems to catch on, wrapping an arm around Tyler’s waist, lifting his head to press a soft kiss into his cheek.

“Did I scare you?” His voice is soft, barely louder than a whisper.

“A little. You seemed so out of it.” Tyler pulls him closer, nuzzling his nose into Josh’s hair.

“Sorry. I should have warned you that happens sometimes.” Josh kisses Tyler’s chest, one over the center of each tattoo. “I read online that it’s called subspace. It just makes me feel kinda floaty.”

“But you’re okay now?”

Josh chuckles. “I’m great.”

Tyler laughs, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to the top of his soft blue curls. Josh hums again, tucking his leg over Tyler’s and snuggling closer into his chest. Tyler sighs, his eyes slipping closed, as his exhaustion starts to catch up with him. He’s warm and comfortable, in the arms of his best friend, a boy he— A boy he’s in love with, Tyler realizes. He should probably tell him that at some point.

Josh rubs his nose against Tyler’s chest, tickling him, pulling him back from the edge of sleep just for a second, just long enough for Josh’s quiet voice to fill the room.

“So. When are we doing _that_ again?”


End file.
